Mark Mrwizard, Flickr
It’s easy to get addicted to the Internet. One day you’re responding to a Facebook wall post and the next you’re running a successful farm with over 46 different crops. In fact, it’s not uncommon to go on IMDB to look up an actor’s name and spend the next 12 hours watching every movie trailer made in 1999. However there’s a line to Internet usage and you have to know when it’s time to X out and shut the computer down.
Photo credit: Mark Mrwizard, Flickr
6 You Speak in Twitter
While out to dinner one night your friend Barry says something that grabs your attention. So you do what all people do in conversation and you say “@Barry, Viagra actually can be used recreationally.” Wrong. It’s not socially acceptable to address people with @. Nor is it okay to share office gossip by saying “Retweet the boss, half of us are getting laid off this month.”
5 You have no attention span
You’re never doing just one thing when you’re online. You’re IM-ing, G-chatting, Facebook stalking, reading blogs, checking e-mail, and googling “where can you play Oregon Trail ’95 online?” Your attention span is completely shot and you’re operating under the impression that you should only do what interests you. Unfortunately walking out of a business meeting because you heard a weird noise outside does not often lead to long-term employment opportunities.
4 You threw away your TV
Everything you could possibly want to watch on TV is already online. Sure you have to watch two-hour movies in 16 clips and sure you have to watch Roseanne episodes with Japanese subtitles, but you’re saving tons of money. The problems start when you invite a special someone over to watch a romantic movie and you have to spend the whole date waiting for Nacho Libre to buffer.
3 You have friends you’ve never met in person
What started out as a random Facebook friend request led to a best friendship only seen in the movies where the guy turns out to be an Internet predator. Sam is the best friend that you’ve ever had and you’ve stopped talking to everyone else in your life. Problem is that there’s a good chance that Sam is an 11-year-old boy cracking up every time you update him on your top secret herpes treatment.
2 You speak in 3rd person
Your life has turned into a living, breathing status update where you dispense information no one wants. Not only do you constantly talk about yourself, but you no longer use the word “I.” Instead you find yourself more comfortable expressing yourself by saying “Tommy is pretty sure that he isn’t the father of his son.” If only there were a Maury paternity test app on Facebook.
1 You know everything before it happens
You read over 743 blogs a day. You know when a celebrity dies before the celebrity dies and you know the score of the game before the players even step onto the field. Every time a friend sends you a viral video or a fun article, you’ve already seen it. Although you may know everything that’s happening at all times, odds are you don’t know your friends hate you. Start lying to your friends and just for once say “neat” when someone sends you a video of a dog riding a horse.